I want to remember this feeling...
Of helplessness mingled with control
Of hope mashed together with despair
Of incessant pain dotted with brief moments of oblivion
And above all:
A desperate urge to know that has to be quelled constantly
It takes so much effort
It is immensely fatiguing
It is relentless and unmitigated
But I know; this too shall pass.
Losing a relationship is like experiencing the demise of a loved one. The pain continues daily and there is this inner struggle to contact them but one cannot. Through daily tasks and the everyday mundaneness of life one forgets for brief periods. And then like a wave crashing on the shore the realisation comes back in full force that they are gone.
There is a void. The mind refuses to accept it and keeps trying to find loopholes. Scenarios are built like holographic images and just as quickly flicker away into nothingness.
Nothing remains but heartache.
And the hope that things will be better in the future.
